


This is not how it was supposed to go

by TheBananaDoctor



Series: Oc archives [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Teasing, elrahel is the mage, oc shenanigans, zach is a templar, zach is pansexual and it's important for the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-07 06:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21211307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBananaDoctor/pseuds/TheBananaDoctor
Summary: A  travelling odd-couple of a mage and a templar, Elrahel and Zarách, find themselves in a creepy bog and try to unravel its mysterious monster problem.





	This is not how it was supposed to go

They hadn’t had a good job in ages and it was really starting to affect their quality of living. That, however, was about to change today as they were sloshing around a bog, looking for a witch or a mystic creature like it that had been collecting a fair share of the close by villages’ headcount. The quest was marked extremely dangerous but usually the more dangerous the job, the better the pay and that they desperately needed.

“I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have worn all this armor to a bog..”

“Oh, you’re worried about some piece of metal that’s gonna dry as soon as you do something about it. Just take a good look at all this leather and cotton that’s never gonna be dry again.”

“Oh, I could do that all day.”

“Ph-please you stop that now, Mister. As much as I appreciate that, it’s really not the time and place.”

“Right, right. The fog’s getting denser up ahead. You think we’re close?”

“Well the vague description did mention the lack of visibility as one of the bog’s features, as one would assume, but hey what do I know. Do you hear any humming?”

“I don’t think so. No.. Wait..”

The couple stopped with Zarách raising his hand. They listened to the eerie quietness of the bog. No animals anywhere, no sound of the water being disturbed, no nothing. If something had ever taught them anything, a quiet nature meant danger ahead. A far away sound reached their ears in the dead of the silence. It sounded like a young woman singing. The pair looked at each other. This was it. Their pray had revealed itself.

They both readied their weapons as they went ever so closer to the source of the voice. The fog was so dense already that it forced them to stay almost hip to hip to see one another. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Shh. Quiet. It’ll hear us coming.”

“She’s calling me. She wants me. I have to go.”

“She?”

A loud splash followed by a thud came from his right.

“Zach?”

A sudden realization hit the elven mage. Their mystical beast with the voice of an angel was nothing more than a seductress demon.

“Oh gods, I should’ve brought Touko..” he muttered as he knelt down to pick up the way too heavy sword his significant other had just dropped.

Elrahel dragged the sword with both of his hands as he made his way towards the singing. There was no point in hiding anymore so he made as much noise as he wanted. The fog suddenly cleared around him as he stepped onto a patch of more solid ground. In the middle was the butt-ugly demon holding the templar in its arms like a pet. What a disgusting site, he thought as he dropped the sword down.

“Bitch, that’s my man! Let him go!” he growled as he cast a firespell that would weaken the demon significantly. It hissed with its snake tongue out and dropped saliva on its prey, making him feel sorry for the poor poor templar when he would be free of the demon’s spell again. These things were hideous with lots of saggy rotten skin and slow in their movements but their voices were more powerful than most other creatures’. Though usually they only used it to control the minds of others. With the right methods, they were rather easy to defeat.

Elrahel kept hitting it with fire while dodging the slow attacks with relative ease and finished the demon off with a lighting strike. All of its gross mass burned to crisp fell down with a shockwave that cleared the fog around them. The mage immediately ran to the templar, who was in an unfortunate position halfway deep in the flesh.

“Hey, you okay?” he reluctantly cleaned off the miraculously endured saliva while doing his best to wake the other up.

“Uuhhh… What happened? Where.. Where am I?” Zarách looked and sounded like he’d just woken up from a long sleep.

“Remember how the seductress demon’s powers only work on people attracted to women. Not gonna lie, you should’ve just stayed back at the inn.”

“Oh crap. I’m so sorry.“

“Yeah, well I think you already got what you deserved for leaving me in the middle of a cursed bog.”

“What?! I.. I wasn’t me!”

“I know.”

“I would never-”

“I know.”

They just sat there in silence for a while.

“So.. Will you help me from under this thing?”

“Fuck that! You got yourself into that mess, so help yourself. Use your muscles, o’ master templar, wielder of the heaviest sword in existence, the damsel in distress, the kisser of demons.”

"Wait? Did I?"

"I don't know."

“Ugh.. But I get it! Just shut up, please!”

“Oh, I’ll shut up when I’m in my grave.”

“I’ll shut you up tonight!”

“Ohhhh, what a bold claim. As false as it sounds, I’d like to see you try.”

“Come.. On!” he finally managed to pull himself from under the heavy body.

“You wanna do the honors, dear? Or would it be too cruel as you were just so head over heels for this poor thing...”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Zarách went and picked up his sword like it was nothing. He came back to swing it around a couple of times before beheading the body.

“Bitch please, I’m not touching that. I’m wet enough as it is. I don’t need any ash or dead skin on my clothes.”

The templar sighed but this was the way they worked best together. He picked up the head with its long tongue dragging to the ground.

“I guess it’s time to collect our bounty.”

“And then for that booty,” Elrahel laughed with a devious smirk on his face.

“Really? This thing is such a turn-off.”

“Not according to you just a moment ago."

"Oh, come on!"

"Pff, besides, you’ll forget about it before I’m done with you.”

Zarách laughed nervously as they headed back to town.


End file.
